Well well well, did y’all miss me? Welcome everyone to the first weekly edition of The Weekly Recap for the 2021 season. For you folks that are new(er), this is where we take the time to go through our games for the past week and let me talk a little shit about each and every one of you. Sorry for missing Week 1, life gets busy yaknow.

Real Life Notes:

• First and foremost, my Raiders are the best team in the NFL. That is all.
• I don’t know if the 49ers are aware that your goal is to keep your running backs healthy. Maybe they know something I don’t, idk.
• Clyde Edwards-Helaire looks like hot garbage. For details, 51 RBs have 10+ carries through 2 weeks, and CEH ranks 51st in PFF rushing grade.
  • On the flipside, Ty’Son Williams is looking really good. Dude is rushing 2 yards OVER his expected per rushing attempt. (CEH is averaging -1.36 lol)
• As I’m writing this article, Akbar is talking about being some Cadillac Bugatti thing, idk. Just wanted to highlight that here a bit :)
• Tom Brady is 14 TDs away from throwing more TDs in his 40s than his 20s. Dude what. He became a starter at the age of 24, and he’s only 4 years into his 40s lol.

Alright enough of that, let’s get into things shall we?

ZAYD VS EDGAR

Every season Zayd pulls off some ridiculous trade on one of you fools that makes him a championship contender. Normally that happens later on in the season, but in some ridiculous set of luck this happens for him in fucking week 2. Pulling in Barkley for Singletary was a fucking steal, regardless of what’s going on with the Giants offensive line and team as a whole; Saquon is the man and barring injury he is the bellcow of that backfield. He’ll get his touches. Singletary on the other hand is splitting time with Moss and tbh Moss might take that starting gig any day now. Congrats to Zayd on his new championship.

In other news, Zayd’s team was firing on all cylinders this past Sunday. Even with -3 points out of his defense, he beat Edgar by over 50 points and had 7 players with double digit points (and his kicker with 9 points). Aaron Rodgers returned to his former self, Terry McLaurin roasted Bradberry, and Christian McCaffrey did…well what he fucking does with over 130 all purpose yards. If TY is anything like his former self when he returns from Injury, Zayd is going to have a monster team to deal with.

Edgar, on the other hand, didn’t get much help from his team. Josh Allen and Sterling Shepard lead the way with double digit points, but no one else on his team was able to score any points and Clyde Edwards-Helaire is going nowhere fast (see above). The Chicago defense had a nice week finally, even with allowing 17 points, but the 20 point scoring output wasn’t enough to even put a dent on the point difference between these 2 teams.

Zayd Max Possible Score: 151.0 (154 if he didn’t start a defense)
Edgar Max Possible Score: 117.46

MOSTAFA VS NIKO

Who has 2 thumbs, an afro, and is ranked the #12 QB so far this season? None other than Mr Teddy Bridgwater. Following up on his solid 24 point outing on week 1, Teddy dropped 330 yards and 2 touchdowns for a 27 point outing on week 2 which ultimately got him the win over Niko. Corey Davis and Van Jefferson crashed right back down to Earth this week, with a combined 3.7 points between the 2 of them; and TE Cole Kmet was no help with a .5 point outing. But surprisingly even with 3 players totalling to 4.2 points, Mostafa was able to squeak out a win against Niko.

Niko has had a really tough start to the season. His points for (170) is by far the lowest in the league (next closest is 194). His starting QB has never scored over 19 points (ahem there’s 6 available QBs who have scored more points this season, you may want to take a look). And really, every player outside of Austin Ekeler has been a bust. Start taking a look at the FA wire, there are tons of options that are outperforming your players. Or maybe it’s time to punt Ekeler for some depth across the board. Idk, good luck bro.

Mostafa Max Possible Score: 105.72
Niko Max Possible Score: 90.62

ARYA VS MOHMAD

From First to worst, Arya lead the league in Week 1 with 164 points and then followed it up with a league low 56.78 points in week 2. Arya had bust weeks across the board: Dak with only 6.5 points, Tyreek Hill with only 4.4 points, Miles Sanders with 6.4 points, and his defense with -1 points. Although I don’t expect his QB and Receivers to put up duds like this weekly, I think this does show a big hole in Arya’s game, in that his team is very boom-or-bust and there is very little RB depth on this team to support. Starting Nyheim Hines as an RB2 isn’t a path for success.

Damn Mohmad, what a week. 7 players in double figures, 2 of which with 38+ points (and an additional 2 with 22+ points). The 184.9 points is the new league-high and he set it against the former owner of that title. Kyler Murray now has back-to-back 40 point weeks, Kelce has back-to-back 22 point weeks, and the rest of the team has bounced back with double digit weeks after starting the season off slowly (Mike Evans, Aaron Jones, Tampa Bay Defense). Aaron Jones obviously won’t have 38 points every week, and Kyler Murray is bound to come back down to the 25-30 point range; so in the long run Mohmad might have some issues filling points in at the WR2/3 and RB2. But in the meantime enjoy your glory fella.

Arya Max Possible Score: 80.58
Mohmad Max Possible Score: 196.9

MIKE VS KAYVON

Quick quiz, what happens when 6 of your players combine for 27.6 points (average of 4.6 points per player)? That’s right, you are going to lose your game and that’s what happened to Mike this past week. Other than Lamar Jackson having an amazing game, the rest of his team refused to really show up. DeAndre Hopkins, Deebo Samuel, and Tim Patrick were able to salvage the day with double digit points; and somehow Mike was actually really close in this game. But unfortunately Lamar Jackson couldn’t squeak out the victory for Mike like he could for his team.

Kayvon flips the script with a close win, then turns around and overreacts on Saquon Barkley; shipping the first round pick of this past draft for an 8th round pick who is in a timeshare with another player. I’m not sure why Kayvon felt such a rush to get rid of Saquon, his stock was at an all-time low and had nowhere to go but up. But hey, his bed is made and all he can do is sleep in it. Anyways, Kayvon squeaks out a win this week although 7 of his players scored in single digits – he’s just lucky those single digits were higher than Mike’s single digits. Maybe Marquise Brown can salvage this team, idk.

Mike Max Possible Score: 117.96
Kayvon Max Possible Score: 121.4

JOHN VS DIZ

The asshole that beat me last week comes back to win his second straight game, solely on the back of Russell Wilson (who couldn’t carry his team to a win in real life unfortunately). Amari Cooper and Joe Mixon both came crashing back to Earth this week with a combined 11 points out of the WR3+RB1 duo; but on the flipside 1st round pick Davante Adams returned to form and looked much more like his former self (see Kayvon, you don’t have to react so quickly you can wait and see). Outside of that I’m still butthurt I lost last week so fuck you and your team.

Surprisingly Diz, you had a shot in this even with 2 of your players scoring 0 points. Had you started Sutton in the Flex and gotten even a little help at the TE/K positions; you could’ve stolen this game from John. Unfortunately, though, AJ Brown had a really poor performance on a day he was peppered with 9 targets and David Montgomery somehow turned 20 carries into only 60 yards. Why don’t you trade me Zeke for Jared Cook and we’ll call it a deal?

John Max Possible Score: 139.22
Diz Max Possible Score: 113.68

ARYAN VS HAROON

You know the rules. And if you don’t, I don’t talk about my own game on this. Except for one thing, look at my damn PF and PA so far this season. Everyone having their best games of the season against me. Ok, that’s all.

Aryan Max Possible Score: 171.42
Haroon Max Possible Score: 190.24 (Would’ve beaten me with a few lineup adjustments)

MASSOUD VS AKBAR

And last, but certainly not least, we have Stop DAT who for the first time in his career has begun the season 2-0 and is in the playoff picture! Tbh, idk how that’s the case when your RB2 and Flex are both backups. But Mahomes is, well, Mahomes; and Julio + Najee looked much better this past week. If you can somehow finagle yourself a decent RB2 (either through trade or the waiver wire) we may see our first season of success for Massoud and the Stop DAT team.

Akbar with 12 moves through 2 weeks is both a career low for him, but also a league-high for us. One small step for Akbar and one giant leap for The Coliseum? To be fair, looking at your lineup you only lost by 7 points on a week with a bunch of outliers. Kamara at 5 points, Waller at only 5 receptions, Trey Sermon getting injured after 1 carry are all unfortunate and had you started pretty much anyone on your bench instead of Sermon then you would’ve won this game. But on the flipside, Kupp isn’t going to net you 30+ points every week, and your RB2 is averaging 7 carries per game so you do have some fixing you gotta do still.

Massoud Max Possible Score: 134.42
Akbar Max Possible Score: 135.18 (You even would’ve beat him if both of you set ideal lineups surprisingly)