October 20, 2022 | Written By Haroon

Surprise Mother Fucker!

We’re close to mid-way through the season, and the new dog is the top dog – Belal. Barring any injuries, your team is deep and damn it’s good! Only hope for people is that your team produces a dud like last week (78.02 pts) and someone actually beats you (unlike our boy Dizz). I don’t think the Coliseum has ever had a season with a clear top dog (Belal) and 4 teams who are all duds (Massoud, Diz, Tameem, and Mostafa). Mostafa, this is a complete shock as we’re used to you being a top 4 team during the season.

Let’s get to some NFL news/rumors:

  • Hollywood Brown might be out for the season, so the Cardinals traded for Robbie Anderson – might be a good pick up for John
  • Christian McCaffrey is on the trading block and there are tons of top teams interested: Rams, Bills, Eagles, and San Francisco – edited TRADED to the 49ERS
  • Kendrick Bourne is on the trading block
  • Cam Akers kicked off the team and is now on the trading block
  • Chase Claypool to the Packers – finally give Aaron Rodgers some help
  • Oh did I forget to mention DEANDRE HOPKINS is back

Now on to the juice: SURPRISE SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER!

  1. Hoori’s Baba – 6-0-0 – 866.16

    • SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER – You’re Good:
      Nick Chubb. Who would’ve thought you had it in you with no QB. Everyone knew you were good, but that offensive line is not the best and he is a less than mediocre QB (Brissett), we did not think you would be leading the league in rushing yards, yards per game, and TDs – and leading FF in fantasy points for RBs.

    • SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER – You’re a Bust:
      Chase Edmonds. Wow you fell off quick. You were supposed to be the starter and potentially a big part of the passing game too. Outside of a 2-TD game in week 3, you’ve done nothing. Possibly has a chance to be RB1 if something happens to Mostert, but with only 8 rushing attempts in the past 3 weeks, he’s not worthy.

  2. Bronson – 5-1-0 – 700.20

    • SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER – You’re Good:
      Michael Pittman Jr. The one thing we know is that Matt Ryan is one read QB. When he trusts you, you’re his go to (Roddy White, Julio Jones, Calvin Ridley). Though he’s getting the targets and receptions, he’s not producing the TDs. He’s top 10 in targets, yards, and receptions, but isn’t even in the 15 for fantasy points.

    • SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER – You’re a Bust:
      Travis Etienne and Javonte Williams. Both players have produced nothing. I know Javonte went down with an injury late in game 4, but he had a whopping 34 total points in 4 weeks. A total of 49 points in his firs 6 games. He’s far from being the top dog everyone thought he was going to be, however, his usage has been going up the past 2 games so there might still be a chance for him to improve and be worth that 4th round pick.

  3. 🥇🥇🥇 – 4-2-0 – 826.96

    • SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER – You’re Good:
      Cooper Kupp and Jalen Hurst. We all thought that Kupp’s numbers were going to decline with expectations of a heavy running game, but that has not been the case. #1 in targets, receptions, and top 5 for yards in fantasy football. Can he win the triple crown again? And whoa… where did Hurst come from? The dude is an MVP candidate and it’s only year 3 for him. They surrounded him with weapons and that o-line is keeping him safe. Continue to see him improve.

    • SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER – You’re a Bust:
      Rams defense. We expected more from this elite defense. They have yet to score a double-digit game in fantasy as they are giving up way too many points. They’re getting their sacks, but no luck with the INTs and TDs.

  4. hundred fifty dollar J – 4-2-0 – 766.64

    • SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER – You’re Good:
      Stefon Diggs. The dude is top 3 in targets and receptions, while leading fantasy football in points and TDs for a WR. The emergence of Gabriel Davis has definitely helped him get more 1 on 1s and he’s taking advantage of that.

    • SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER – You’re a Bust:
      Though I want to put Dalton Schultz, I’ll go with David Montgomery as he was your 3rd overall pick. 6 games into the season and he has only 1 TD and only 1 game of over 65 yards rushing. His touches have been on the decline too as Khalil Herbert has been out-performing him the past 3 weeks.

  5. The 30 30 30 Club – 4-2-0 – 759.80

    • SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER – You’re Good:
      Josh Allen. Clear cut MVP front runner as of right now. He’s number 1 in passing yard, TDs, and fantasy football points OVERALL. To think you got him at the end of round 2 with guys like Javonte WIlliams Najee Harris, Tom Brady, Aaron Jones, and Keenan Allen were picked before him. Tsk tsk fantasy owners.

    • SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER – You’re a Bust:
      Terry McLaurin. The only thing scary about Scary Terry is how bad he is. You chose this dude as your first WR. He doesn’t even lead his team in targets – should trade him if he has a breakout game.

  6. EyeSuck – 4-2-0 – 710.54

    • SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER – You’re Good:
      Breece Hall. Wow, did I get lucky with this pick. I was hoping he’d take over the depth chart and he slowly has. He’s become an every down back for the Jets and his usage has consistently been going up. Within the next week or two, he’s going to be the lead back and all goal line touches will be his.

    • SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER – You’re a Bust:
      Aaron Rodgers. I wanted to put JuJu, but no one is used to A-Rod playing this poorly. I know he doesn’t have many weapons out there, but he doesn’t even look like he cares out there anymore. He got paid and is chilling now… very Russel Westbrook-isk – I mean Russel Wilson-isk of you.

  7. Costco Glizzys – 3-3-0 – 704.92

    • SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER – You’re Good:
      Rhamondre Stevenson but Tua Tagovailoa a close 2nd. Finally Belichick is giving him the backfield. We knew this was bound to happen, but Bill loves having a committee backfield. Rhamondre is still losing a few touches to Damien Harris, but if Harris goes down, he’ll be the true #1. He’s had back-to-back weeks of scoring over 20 fantasy football points. Expect big things from him moving forward.

    • SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER – You’re a Bust:
      Ezekiel Ellliot. I don’t understand why Cowboy fans continue to believe he’s going to breakout again. He’s past his prime and is just not the explosive back he used to be. Also, that o-line is not the same as 2-3 years ago. Once the top o-line for 3-4 years is now a joke. He’s only had 2 games of over 10 fantasy football points.

  8. The Aryan Nation – 3-3-0 – 704.02

    • SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER – You’re Good:
      Tyreek Hill. Damn boy, you still got it. We knew how good you were in Kansas but we didn’t think you’d be producing the same numbers if not better with Tua as your QB. You’re still a deep threat with Tua’s arm and you take those quick slants to the house too. He’s second in targets and receptions and first in yards while being fourth as a WR in fantasy points.

    • SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER – You’re a Bust:
      James Conner. He’s currently ranking 40th RB in fantasy football. He had 18 total TDs in 2021, and so far in 6 games, he only has 1 TD. With the emergence of Eno Benjamin, I think it’s safe to say he’s not repeating his numbers from last year. Oh and if everyone is thinking yeah he sucks and we all knew he was going to be a bust.. Conner was his 2nd round pick.

  9. WizardlyWave – 3-3-0 – 572.80

    • SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER – You’re Good:
      Deebo Samuel. Deebo continues to be the big playmaker in San Francisco even with the big performance from Aiyuk last week. The big game will hopefully help Deebo in more one-on-one situations vs. double teams. Expect a big game from Deebo this week against KC.

    • SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER – You’re a Bust:
      Najee Harris. For a guy who was one of the first running backs to go off the board in 2022 fantasy football drafts, Najee Harris has been underwhelming this season. Through the first six weeks of the season, Harris has produced 222 rushing yards (3.2 AVG), 64 receiving yards (4.9), and just two total touchdowns. Harris’ yardage per carry and per catch has been abysmal this season. He’s simply not been able to get in rhythm like he did in 2021. In fact, the Steelers are beginning to rely on other running backs.

  10. Zimmar the Terrible – 2-4-0 – 601.48

    • SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER – You’re Good:
      Josh Jacobs. Jacobs has been on a tear lately, and while he is a former Pro Bowler, his production on the field has gone down in recent years and I wonder if it has anything to do with the Raiders declining his 5th year. He’s currently top 10 in all RB stats even with back-to-back 30 point fantasy football performances.

    • SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER – You’re a Bust:
      Julio Jones. If you had taken him later in the draft like everyone told you to, he wouldn’t be your biggest bust, but to have traded up in the draft to have 2 first round picks, this was a poor decision and you shall forever be known for this! BOOOOOO!

  11. Sogg my balls – 1-5-0 – 628.88

    • SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER – You’re Good:
      Davonte Adams. The dude hasn’t missed a beat with QB/friend David Carr. We all knew he looked great in Green Bay, but we we didn’t know if it was him or Rodgers making him look good. Clearly it was Davonte – just take a look at Rodgers now and how he looks (yuck).

    • SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER – You’re a Bust:
      Kyle Pitts but a close second would be Rashaad Penny. We all knew Penny is injury prone and we all laughed when little dude (Cy Cy) chose him, but we’re going with Pitts as your bust. 3rd overall selection and wow is he bad. Pitts hasn’t been good. There’s no getting around that – you got bailed out by a touchdown if you started him in Week 6, and it was his first of the season, so it’s hard to say you saw it coming. The Falcons don’t pass that much with Mariotta as QB1, and that’s made it just about impossible for any of their pass-catchers to thrive there.

  12. DizLey – 1-5-0 – 570.40

    • SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER – You’re Good:
      Justin Herbert. It’s weird, I kind of also want to put him as your bust as well. He’s an elite QB and though he’s top 5 in yards, TDs, and QB fantasy points, you feel like he’s underperforming. He does have a depleted o-line, two fractured ribs, and his #1 target Keenan Allen has been hurt all season so far, I do see him turning things around quickly.

    • SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER – You’re a Bust:
      Darren Waller. If you’ve all noticed, outside of Mark Andrews and Travis Kelce, the TE group have been a no show this season. With the Raiders acquiring Devonte Adams, we knew Waller’s numbers would decline, but to only have 16 receptions, 175 yards, and 1 TD… that’s real bad.

  13. Khar killers – 1-5-0 – 528.60

    • SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER – You’re Good:
      Derrick Henry. We all knew he was going to be a beast and he’s showcasing his talents yet again. Top 10 in all RB stats and you know Henry, he only gets better throughout the season.

    • SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER – You’re a Bust:
      Everyone else. Russel has been a joke all season. Doubs is just another plug in play WR for the Packers. Mooney has so much talent but the Bears have no o-line to protect Fields from “attempting” a pass. AJ Dillion has been surprising as we all thought the Packers would be rushing the ball more and he’d take over that backfield, but that hasn’t been the case. Surprisingly Kittle is on this list. With Trey Lance going down, we figured Jimmy G would be going to his 2 favorite guys Deebo and Kittle but that has not been the case with only 19 receptions all season. Allen Robinson regrets signing with the Rams (lol) 17 catches and 2 TDs from a pass heavy team as WR2. Keenan Allen can’t even walk onto the field without getting hurt.

  14. Let’s Ride – 1-5-0 – 516.64

    • SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER – You’re Good:
      Ummmmmm…. I guess the Broncos Defense. They’re in the top 10 for defenses, top 5 in sacks, and top 10 in fantasy football points. Yeah… that’s all I got.

    • SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER – You’re a Bust:
      Your whole team. Sorry dude, not trying to pick on you, but everyone on your team. Yeah CeeDee and Lazard are going well, but they should be doing a lot better as they’re both WR1s. I understand CeeDee has been playing with a back-up, but when you’re 7th in targets, you kind of expect bigger performances.