Well well well, if it isn’t another year in The Coliseum! You fucks think one little spat with that bald whore was gonna stop me?!? Well you’re dead wrong! Time for your 83rd annual pre season shit talking session!

Mike: Let’s start with the reigning, defending, undisputed Coliseum heavyweight champion! Listen here Micheal, you will NOT win again this year! You have a better chance at converting Akbar into a vegan than winning again this year! That belt is is crab legs and I’m Jamies Winston baby!

Mostafa: Hello Mo, you little Republican fuck. I’m gonna beat your ass so bad you’re gonna be aborted out of this league! I don’t know what’s worse, your voting record or your performance this year in the league. Also pick a team bitch, you can’t be a Broncos fan and a Rams fan!

Zayd: Three time champ* (technically those wins belong to Yosuf), it ain’t gonna be four buddy, take your Rams winning last year and shut the fuck up! How the fuck is your starting RB Cordoralle Patterson? You’re a disgrace to the Yunus name!

Arya: What’s up new daddy, I hope your child get all the looks from momma, because you are an agly whore! I don’t know what’s uglier, you or your RBs, don’t worry that bald whore will probably offer you half his squad for DeVante Parker before the season is up. On another note super happy for you babe, I’ll send your baby a nice Cowboys teddy bear.

Aryan: So close very every year yet you always fail, makes sense you’re a Raiders fan! Let’s hope wedding life doesn’t ruin your fantasy season! I swear if you don’t post this on our website I will hunt you down and show you nudes of Akbar!

Massoudy: Hello BIG little brother, hey maybe this year your team won’t suck again because it wasn’t you who drafted. You may have locks on the discord but the only lock in this league is that even after 15 years of being in here you still will never be champ.

Haroon: Poppa Sogg, my guy, you haven’t been relevant in this league since Phillip Rivers was getting eliminated from the playoffs by Manning and Brady. Another year another sad end to your fantasy season brother.

John: Johnathan, you son of a gun! Stealing Cowboys from under my nose at the draft, how dare you? We were all rooting for you last year to defeat the evil empire of Mike and Akbar and you let us all down! Well if it’s any consolation we can meet up after the Cowboys get eliminated after the first round of the playoffs and cry together.

TamNiko: What’s up San Diego wrecking crew! Hey, is just because the Chargers left San Diego that you guys always end up throwing away your season by week 8 or what? You two make more dumb moves than Dean Spanos ever could, you’re doing him proud boys!

Kayvon: Hello mister Kayvon, there are a few truths to this league: Sogg and Massoud will never win, Akbar is universally the most hated, and you will end up cussing us all out by week 6. Let’s hope this year you don’t let Zayd try and fuck you without condom again.

Zim: Zim Zim Zim, you know I used to think Amin was the dumbest of the Sharif brothers and then you go ahead and trade up for the number 3 pick for Brady! Like what was going on in that mind of yours? We get it, you haven’t played fantasy football since like 2010, but goddammit Zim you didn’t have to draft like we’re back in 2010! Welcome back, and can’t wait to see you implode and quit next year.

Diz/Wes: Well if it isn’t our very own odd couple, as much as Sogg and my brother are trash, we have been nothing but ass since joining forces. We have screwed over more seasons than the Biden and Trump have the United States. This year is our year though, I say this about the Cowboys every season too only to be left in a pile of my own tears while Akbar sends me memes as I plot his murder after the playoffs.

Bee Trash/Husseini: Belal you goddamn pirate, how do you come in at the very last minute and hijack Husseini’s team? If your fantasy skills in the league are anything like they are in Face’s we’re all in for lowball trade requests, endless shit talking, and a bunch of nonsensical arguments. Welcome to the big leagues bitch, keep your shit trades away from me and go after trying to exploit your cousins.

Akbar: Saving the worst for last! You bald headed, tampon wearing, 45 year old loser. Your teams are as shitty as the memes you tag us in. You haven’t been relevant since the Bush admin. You can’t get a boner without viagra. The only time you’re competitive is when Edgar sends you half his team for a guy who might not come back from injury, too bad you kicked him out the league because you couldn’t take that we liked him more than you. If this is really your swan song I can’t wait until I say goodbye with that championship belt around my waist and I take some tasteful nudes of me with the belt, you disgusting old man.

Anywho fellas, can’t wait for this season to start, looking forward to a nice competitive year with lots of shit talking and controversy!