Well well well, looks like some pesky little pandemic couldn’t stop us from starting our season (well so far, who knows what’s gonna happen with this orange buffon as our leader). Our draft is done and now it is time for the annual preseason shit talking to start! Let’s have a good season filled with as little drama as possible (looking at you Kayv) and good luck fuckers!

Husseini: Let’s start this off with one of the new blood this year. Welcome to the big boys league, this ain’t gonna be as easy as your league with your goofball cousins and Bee Hash’s dumbass, we some real men around here. I’m surprised you were able to make it to the draft without some Washington Football Team cock in your mouth you dirty little fuck. Just like in everything you and I compete in you’re gonna end up bowing down and be my inferior, so I hope you like how my ass taste!

Tameem/Nicco: At combined weight of 952 pounds from San Marcos, California here’s team TameCco! I wish you two pieces of shit were more concerned about making your picks on time rather than microwaving your 4th dinners of the night and maybe our draft would have ended sooner. You two Charger loving fucks are done for, back to back QBs what the hell do you think this is? Amateur hour? Fuck you both and fuck San Marcos, fake ass wanna be Orange County of San Diego.

Aryan: Hello computer hacker, I don’t know what’s worse, you always being a preseason favorite only to choke every year, or your Raiders shitty ass management, or how sorry of a team your Kings are. We’re glad to have your ass back in the west coast again, but too bad it’s gonna end in just another disappointing year filled with regret and sorrow because of your fantasy team.

Belal: Sup coach? How’s Iowa treating you? Don’t answer that, no one cares. How does it feel knowing that you try so hard every year in this league and end up getting nowhere? Like think about it, Zayd’s been a champ, you’ve been an afterthought, sucks to suck homie.

Mike: Mikey Mikey Mikey, two kickers, two defenses, 0 talent. Whose team am I describing here? What the hell were you thinking this year? SF Defense in the 6th round? I know you weren’t high, but maybe you were because that was just garbage! Well it’s not like it matters, somehow Akbar will dump his 1st pick to you for garbage and then you’ll get really close to winning, but ultimately choke, just like your Saints. Who Dat?

Massoud: Look who’s back to only end up last place in this league again. I know Mike wasn’t high when he drafted, but you had to have been, forgetting that you didn’t draft a running back and then asking everyone else for help because you have no idea what the hell is going on. Face it man, this league just isn’t for you, go back to hustling your idiot friends who don’t know how football works, because this investment just isn’t working out for you.

Arya: Mr. Jafarti, you sneaky son of a bitch, drafting CEH before i could take him. I see you kid, it’s all good we all know what’s gonna happen, you’ll be mediocre to somewhat good again this year, and then just fumble it at the end of the year like you always do.

Mostafa: For someone who talks as much as you do throughout the season, you’d think you’d do better in this league, but just like your boy Donald, you’re all talk no bark. Fuck you, fuck Trump, and fuck Tim Tebow, you dirty little republican whore. I can’t wait to see your 6th place finish this year.

Edgar: Speaking of Republican fucks, what’s up Tio Tomas? It was kinda weird not hearing from your troll ass during this years draft, what happened the quarantine and polls showing your boy losing have you stress eat and gain another 200 pounds and you were too scared to show your face? Just like Trump, your season will go down in flames, all that talk every year only to not win and then claim you’re superior, no wonder you’re a Trumper.

Kayvon: Look guys it’s “The Wizard”, another year, another blowup is likely in order. We should change your name from “The Wizard” to “The Volcano”, because you’re round, filled with gas, and ready to explode at any moment. At least we can rely on you to bring some drama to this league every year, even if that means you’re gonna do something dumb as hell, get mad, and then blame everyone else.

Zayd: You’re team is looking real suspect with the brains of the operation in med school not making your moves for you. Also what the hell are you gonna do now that Amin is gone and you can’t weasel trades from someone too stoned out of their minds to know what’s good for them? Your reign at the top was fun while it lasted, but for now, you’re doomed to fighting for a consolation championship.

Haroon: Did someone say “Consolation championship”? Sogg’s dick just got hard, because we all know that just like every other year that’s gonna be the only thing he has a chance for. In the words of Akbar “Sogg drafted good this year” and then we see “Sony Michel” and then its “ok never mind. I guess it’s the same old Sogg”. Death, taxes, and Sogg failing at fantasy football, the only things that are guaranteed in this world.

Akbar: Hey there Jeffery Epstein! You’re old, you prey on the young, and you bring everyone around you down with your jinxes, so I figure that name works well for you too. It’s gonna be real fun watching you in misery this year, Tom Brady’s cock in now in Tampa so you can suck on that anymore, but you wish you could, they’re trying to put a cap on moves so you can’t add and drop players like it’s fucking tinder, and your New England Patriots have one of the worst offenses in the league as well as half their players choosing to sit out, this just might be the happiest I’ve been in a while, because nothing brings me more joy than seeing you fail.

Diz: Saved the best for last, I did no research on anything this year and took the advice of a white republican man, I have become everything I hate in life. Let’s be real preseason my team looks decent, but by week 8 I’ll probably be out of playoff contention, just like my Dallas Cowboys. I don’t know whose worse between Sogg, Massoud, and me, every year its a race for whose dumpster has the biggest fire.

And with that I just wanna say, I love y’all, I hope this season ends up happening and it’s a good one, glad to be back boys. Let’s get this season started!