Welcome all to the first edition of the Weekly Recap, apologies for missing week 1 but I figured a vacation to Italy was about 10000x more important than writing out a weekly recap for you suckas. So here we are starting our recap with Week 2.

Real Life Notes:

• Last season, we had the recurring segment of “When the Bells Ring” to track when LeVeon was going to report back to the team. Well this season our recurring segment is “Mo Melvin Mo Problems” with our star Melvin Gordon. This week’s update: He still ain’t playing.
• Big Ben out for the season. Eli Manning benched. Drew Brees out for 6+ weeks. Andrew Luck retiring. Cam Newton on the verge of retiring. Sam Darnold chillin with mono (and his backup Siemian is out for the season too). Man, what a season it has been for QBs this year.
• Antonio Brown is a fuckin cunt.
• I’m pretty sure half of the D1 NCAA teams could beat the Dolphins right now.

ZAYD VS MOSTAFA

That feeling when Zayd’s 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th pick combined for a total of 28.1 points this last week (with 5.3 of those points coming from Curtis Samuel on the bench). With the addition of Antonio Brown in NE, Melvin Gordon’s continued holdout, and bumps and bruises for both David Johnson and Joe Mixon this Zayd/Yosuf team is looking to show a lot of cracks early on in the season. But don’t worry everyone, with Zayd’s luck Gordon will return next week, Yosuf will grab some random waiver player in the middle of the night that breaks out, and Amin/Sogg will trade Zayd a tier 1 player for peanuts to get him back into the playoffs.

Mostafa’s team on the other hand looked like a well-oiled machine this week, even with only 10 points out of his starting QB. All 3 of his WR’s had 15+ points (not including his flex, AB, who also had 14 points). He definitely needs some help on the RB side of things as both of his starters are pretty wack, but if he can continue to get 73 points from his 4 starting WR’s (until AB gets suspended) then he will continue to compete week in and week out.

Zayd Max Possible Score: 106.52
Mostafa Max Possible Score: 123.62

AMIN VS JEFF

Everyone’s favorite hooligan Amin was up to his usual interesting antics this past draft, and was rewarded with 2 of the best performing QBs in the league. Smartly, he was able to trade one of those QBs away in return for a WR1 in Juju (I disagree with Akbar and most of the league here, I think this was an amazing trade for Amin). Now, unfortunately for Amin the star QB that made Juju who he is is now out for the season — however even with that (and with the swag of not playing a kicker at all this week) Amin was able to swoop in with an easy 40 point victory. Honestly, just a bunch of whatever performances but they all added up lol.

Newcomer Jeff has had mixed results early in this season. Week 1 he had a nice win over Sogg, but I guess he was not able to stop Juju 2 weeks in a row and got stomped this time around. Starting RB Ronald Jones had 4 total carries last week, Alshon was injured and didn’t play — and Cam looks to be a shell of his usual self. Cam is out this week now, so we’ll see Jeff’s team roll with Baker Mayfield, but unless Jeff can find some depth somewhere in the RB/Flex range he is going to have a hard time competing in this league.

Amin Max Possible Score: 140.48 (+ whatever kicker he could’ve had)
Jeff Max Possible Score: 98.5

EDGAR VS KAYVON

Edgar, Edgar, Edgar…oh how the mighty have fallen. What are the chances that both QBs on your roster get injured? An amazing supporting cast of Michael Thomas, OBJ, Larry Fitz, and James Connor (all double digit points) wasn’t enough to get you over the fact that the injured Drew Brees netted you -0.48 points. On top of this, TJ Hockenson went from dud to stud and will most likely continue to flip flop around in his weekly performance as the Lions transition their gameplan around. The worst part is, had either of your QBs stayed healthy you could’ve very easily won this game.

Kayvon continues his ninja ways, eeking out these close victories on the backs of Dede Westbrook’s 0.8 points and RB1 Devonta Freeman’s 7.9 points. Zeke is obviously elite and is showing his skillset early on in the season, and surprisingly Andy Dalton is #2 in the league in passing yards (who would’ve thought) which are great compliments to a subpar starting group. Even more surprisingly is that you left 80 points on the bench and was still able to win. Abrakadabra, bitch.

Edgar Max Possible Score: 117.6 (+ Whatever QB would’ve actually played)
Kayvon Max Possible Score: 156.94

ARYA VS MASSOUD

What do you get when 5/10 of your starters combine for 18.9 points? Well in Arya’s world, apparently you get a victory. MCC and Damien both had bad weeks, and OJ Howard didn’t even have a target although he played the entire game (which is very concerning given Bruce Arians has never had strong numbers going to his tight ends). But with 28 points out of Matty light and 20+ out of both Chris Godwin and Galloday — Arya could’ve beaten Massoud by only playing a QB and 3 WRs.

Alright so Arya had 5/10 starters combining for 18.9 points. You know what’s worse? Having 7/10 starters combining for less than 40 points. Outside of Travis Kelce and Gurley, everyone on Massoud’s team was a bust and he only had 1 player with over 15 points this past week. The good news is I would think this is the floor of his team’s production and all he can do is go up from here; the bad news is between Courtland Sutton, Valdes-Scantling, AJ Brown and James Howard there’s a very high chance we see the floor much more often than the ceiling.

Arya Max Possible Score: 125.96
Massoud Max Possible Score: 104.26

BILLAL VS AKBAR

Billal’s swag is off the chain. 0 points out of DeVante Parker. -6 points out of his defense. And not even starting a kicker to cap it off. Unfortunately, Swag don’t win championships (neither does leaving 73 points on your bench) — and Swag resulted in you getting the lowest point total of the week. Mike Evans has become the WR2 out in Tampa Bay with Chris Godwin’s new resurgence, Will Fuller is stuck in a place where there’s a ton of mouths to feed and only so many passes to go around, and LeSean McCoy is stuck in an RBBC in KC (and slightly injured). On the flipside, Mark Andrews has back to back 20 point weeks so you’ve got that going for you which is nice.

Akbar came out firing this week after a loss in week 1. With 3 of his players scoring 20+ points and another 3 tackling on 13+, it made up for his WR3 only scoring 0.6 points and leaving about 23 serviceable points on the bench. Dalvin Cook is a stud as long as he can stay healthy, and Calvin Ridley has had a strong start to the season — if both can continue their current production then Akbar will have a pretty solid team.

Billal Max Possible Score: 128.86 (134.86 if he didn’t start a defense, and higher if he had a kicker lol)
Akbar Max Possible Score: 159.82

ARYAN VS DIZ

You know the rules.

Aryan Max Possible Score: 126.06
Diz Max Possible Score: 109.44 (110.44 without a defense)

SOGG VS MIKE

Honestly, I didn’t think the Mahomes trade was good for Sogg; trading his WR1 for a QB is never a good move regardless of what’s going on. But I can’t argue with the nearly 50 points that Mahomes gave Sogg; which basically gave him the win this week. Couple this with the nearly 40 points out of the Patriots defense and Sogg got 90 points out of 2 fucking players this week.

It’s an unfortunate turn for Mike who scored 145 points in a loss. The Aaron Jones trade came in clutch and added a lean mean 23 points into the flex spot — and you had 4 players with 20+ points. But unfortunately that wasn’t enough to overcome the juggernaut that is Sogg (lol I had trouble keeping a straight face when I typed that).

Sogg Max Possible Score: 149.62
Mike Max Possible Score: 145.2