That feeling when your favorite team and your fantasy team are having basically the same season. Gruden, and all of you, are hoes and I hate you all.

Real life notes:

• And on this week’s edition of When the Bells Ring, LeVeon has still not reported back to camp. As of this point, I fully expect him to not report until the deadline for the franchise tag so he can hit FA and go wherever he wants. Sorry Mike. You’re still having a better season than me.
• The Raiders are on a frenzy right now. Cooper has now been traded away. Marshawn has been put on IR (and I think we’ve seen him play his last snap as a Raider). And there’s a high chance we see Carr move before the deadline as well (I think Jacksonville is the most likely landing spot).
  • Speaking of trades, Eli Apple is now in New Orleans, Carlos Hyde is in Jacksonville, and Patrick Peterson has requested a trade. What is this, the NBA?
• With Justin Tucker’s missed XP; Drew Brees has now beaten every single team in the NFL.
  • I also believe Justin Tucker was paid by the mafia for this. First ever missed point by him this late in his career, for the game tying point for Drew Brees to beat every team? In fact, he never even missed an XP in college. This is his first missed point since high school. Yep, he shaved points.
• That POS Mike McCoy is finally gone; Byron Leftwich I need DJ to get about 45 touches a game. Make it happen.

SOGG VS ARYA

Honestly I’m getting kind of bored with this joke; but I’m way too pot committed to give up on it now. After 7 weeks into the season, I am happy to announce that Mr Haroon Ahmad is still sitting at that basement brewery in San Clemente drinking his sorrows away. This was Sogg’s 2nd highest scoring output this season but he actually ended up with the biggest blowout loss of the season…losing by over 70 points. Sony Michel getting hurt early on didn’t really help his case, and a so-so day out of Deshaun Watson just made things worse. Granted, even with both of those guys playing great it more than likely wouldn’t be enough to make up 70 points.

Arya continues to juggle between Tom Brady and Patrick Mahomes and somehow he selects the right choice every time. Kareem Hunt went off this week with 3 overall touchdowns, and even with so-so days out of your WRs you were able to put up a league leading 180 points this week. And that’s not including the 22 points out of Sterling Shepard on your bench.

Sogg Max Possible Score: 126.36
Arya Max Possible Score: 199.22

BALLS VS MOSTAFA

A favorite amongst the GMs for best up-and-coming team, Balls has not been able to convert those votes into real-life wins. Will Fuller has not broken double digits in 3 weeks, AJ Green continues to put up WR2 numbers, Julian Edelman is not the target machine he used to be, and McAffrey has barely broken 10 points these past 2 weeks. Couple that with the fact that you had to start the 49ers backup RB and you have a team that might actually be on the downward trend rather than what people thought before.

Mostafa continues his dominant play and somehow scores the 2nd highest points in the league without his star RB even playing. 0 points out of Melvin Gordon, BYE week James Connor, injured Fournette, and no production Mark Ingram was still not enough to bring down Mostafa who got 75 points just from his WRs + another 33 from his defense. Balls stacked the box on Mostafa and dared him to win through the air; and Mostafa’s team proved that they could do it.

Balls Max Possible Score: 99.74 (no change)
Mostafa Max Possible Score: 169.98 (…also no change)

DIZ VS MASSOUD

The battle of the bastards pt 2 actually ended up coming right down to the wire. Massoud actually held a lead for most of the day; Carson Wentz had a decent day even with 2 fumbles and he got touchdowns out of all 3 of his WRs and both of his RBs as well. But that -0.5 points from his Flex ended up coming back to haunt him against little big bro Diz.

Diz needed a big Sunday night out of Tyreek Hill (14 points) to inch out the victory against Massoud and barely got past that with 17.1 points. Andrew Luck has a field day with 4 touchdowns but with only 156 passing yards and a fumble lost out on quite a bit of points (but apparently it was enough). Couple that with both of his RBs having decent days and his Kicker giving him 14 points and you get that little victory that he needed over big little bro Massoud.

Diz Max Possible Score: 125.04 (no change)
Massoud Max Possible Score: 126.7 (You would’ve won if you started Buck Allen instead of Breida)

EDGAR VS MIKE

My man Mike, there’s really not much to say here. 8 of your 10 starters had single digit points; and of those 8, 5 had less than 5 points. At this point, I think your best bet is to try to move LeVeon to one of the leaders (Edgar, Mostafa, Wizard) and try to gain some depth; while they can stash Bell for a nice playoff push.

Edgar, don’t listen to what I said above. You have enough first round picks and I hereby ban you from acquiring any others. In fact, all 3 of your first round picks this week had above 20 points so you can fuck off and keep your hands to yourself and leave Bell alone (and DJ for that matter). Not a big scoring day for Edgar overall, with only 127 points; but when your opponent scores 67 you don’t need a big scoring day.

Edgar Max Possible Score: 148.6
Mike Max Possible Score: 78.3 (But you would’ve had to bench Drew Brees, and we all know that wouldn’t happen)

AZIZIS VS AMIN

The Azizi’s had no chance of winning this week and everyone knew it. Aaron Rodgers was on BYE, Gronk is still hurt, and Joe Mixon got game-planned out with the blowout loss. That being said, there are some things to feel good about: Larry Fitz finally had a good day and has a new offensive coordinator, Aaron Rodgers is no longer on BYE, and Gronk will most likely be back next week. But also, fuck you guys because your only win was against me and I hate you.

Amin has somehow turned this hodgepodge of a team into a 4-3 contender that’s squeaking its way into playoffs. James White had a field day with Michel out; and if Michel misses any extended time it makes White’s value that much better (still a bad trade tho). Lowkey, I felt like you had more RBs before; what happened to all of them?

Azizis Max Possible Score: 78.64
Amin Max Possible Score: 162.18

ARYAN VS KAYVON

Another week, another close loss because I started the wrong person. Go figure.

Aryan Max Possible Score: 115.86 (116.86 if I didn’t start a defense)
Kayvon Max Possible Score: 122.52

AKBAR VS ZAYD

Akbar…really man? There’s like 3 people in this league that Zayd will talk shit all over if he beats, and you are one of them. You had on job, and instead 8/10 of your starters also had single digit points with 3 of them having less than 5 points. Chubb finally got his carries even though Duke was listed as the starter; but like wow your team really shit the bed this week.

Like I said before, Zayd’s trade with Amin was Zayd’s yearly “1 trade that gets him over the top”. Galloday had an off day but he did almost have a score that was called off and also had a few DPI’s called in his favor. Kerryon Johnson immediately drops 22 points (only 3 points less than James White). All of you were making fun of Zayd at the beginning of the season, but you’re all responsible for his comeback.

Akbar Max Possible Score: 81.64 (But you would’ve had to bench Zeke)
Zayd Max Possible Score: 136.22