The Coliseum has been around for several years now. We’ve had several GMs step down from their positions. However, it might be time to force some GMs and perhaps the commissioner to relinquish their positions. Here are my arguments on why each GM and the current commissioner should be relieved of their role with our great league: The Coliseum.

MOSTAFA

You talk almost as much as GM Kayvon and both of you have done nothing. Neither of you have any championships or final appearances, yet you run your mouth like you’ve earned our respect. What have you done in life besides live off of your parent’s money? Do you even work? Did you buy your own car? Ok ok… you have several wins at 24-hour fitness! (high-five) ok ok, got to give respect where respect is due. Your team is scary good. I mean that’s what dad’s money is good for: hiring an assistant for The Coliseum. Whatever it takes to win a chip! But in all honesty, you’re not funny, no one understands your jokes, like GM Kayvon, you add an opinion when no one has asked and there must be something really wrong with you if GM Zayd’s co-GM (whom is your cousin) doesn’t want to work with you. An anonymous GM believes that GM Mostafa thinks his s&@* don’t stink, thinks his memes and GIFs are gold and is the most annoying GM in the league. He also added this: “I honestly think GM Mostafa can sit in an empty room and he could make himself laugh, cry and argue with himself. He believes the world revolves around him, and when the focus is targeted somewhere else, he adds his two-cents so he can hear himself speak again.”

EDGAR

GM Edgar has been in the league for far too long and has never won. He runs his mouth and instigates drama and then sits back, chugs a beer and lets the drama continue. ChildPlease-Bless’em has been a bit of juggernaut this year, but we all know he’s going to choke in the playoffs like every year. It’s time to cut his head off and bring in a GM whom can actually be more than the Kansas City Chiefs of the Coliseum. An anonymous GM had this to say about him: “GM Edgar date rapes people he trades with (typical Trump supporting A@&hole!). Also, he hasn’t seen his d*@# in 20 years. People who can’t see the peepee should not be allowed in our league.” Another GM had this to say: “He’s a Mexican. The end.”

KAYVON

Back-to-back years GM Kayvon has been a powerhouse in the Coliseum. He’s been a great addition as far as competition is concerned. However, this is a men’s only league. It’s been 2 years that the league and other GMs have had to deal with this sensitive buffoon. A few GMs have asked close acquaintances of GM Kayvon if he has ever seen a professional as some fear he might be diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, or his menstrual cycle is longer than the normal woman. One GM had this to say: “This Persian s@&* makes everything about him. He constantly is calling me and asking why everyone is out to get him? Meanwhile, not a single person on this God given earth cares about him. GM Kayvon (meow) always has to give the league his opinion on topics, though no one asked him and no one cares what he has to say (sorry for repeating myself but making it known that no one cares about him).” I went in search of a quote from his co-GM and John (Co-GM) had this to say: “I don’t talk to him anymore. I told him it was cold outside and he got offended. Then sent me this 900 word essay on why he’s sorry, but he’s entitled to his opinion. He was too much for me, so I quit.”

ARYA

“You combine GMs Edgar, Amin and Massoud, and you get this F@*&,” said a GM regarding GM Arya. If this was a few years ago, I’d have a mouthful to say to you. But in recent years, you’ve been too whipped by your girlfriend to be in touch with our league. You don’t participate in any of the conversations ever, rarely ever make a trade, and you’re boring to talk with. I would fake of your weight, but the Wizard beats you, and I’d make fun of your peepee, but your GF is taking care of that enough. I mean hell, if you paid for me to travel the world, bought me expensive stuff, bought me drugs all the time, I might even sleep with you. Another GM had this to add: “He low key loves this league more than anyone else. YET… he’s never tasted a finals or semi-finals appearance. Why do we continue to bring in more Persians to our league? Only one Persian per league, and since he doesn’t talk and is completely useless, I say we keep GM Tampons (Kayvon).”

AMIN

He smokes too much to process. GM Amin is one of the most bizarre stories in league history. The man thinks of fantasy football more than girls. His attention to details and research during the off-season is phenomenal, but he consistently falls apart a week prior to every draft. Here’s a great place if you want to enroll, Marbridge; it’s a place for adults like yourself and maybe Massoud. “GM Amin was the most excited GM entering the draft. He couldn’t sleep the night before, but then shows up the draft stoned (high on marijuana) out of his mind. He traded his top 3 draft picks for trash, and in recent weeks, trying to trade those trash picks for lottery players. He is disoriented and is easily influenced and swayed by others into making horrific trades. Yes, he had a good start to the season, but has come down to earth. We need to replace him with his brother,” explained one GM out of frustration. “He’s too high to function and think. He should spend his fantasy football league fee and marijuana money on a therapist and real meds (medications) to help him with whatever he’s dealing with,” added another GM.

AKBAR

Where do I even begin with this old fart. Stop living in the last. Last time you won a chip, this quote was trending: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman,” Mike was listening to the new hit ‘Jump’ by Kris Kross, Billy Y was still bring breast fed and I was still skinny (not introduced to beer). You need to start worrying about your future man, and not spend every hour of every day thinking about this league. Try to find yourself a woman, get married and maybe add another bald f*@& to the family (just don’t have your half-baked [see what I did there?] brother babysit ever). You’re too old to be so invested in this league. I mean, I understand GM Zayd, GM Dizz, and GM Kayvon as they’re all broke a@& hoes, but you…. Just spend that $100 on a down payment on Bald Truth. Here are a few comments from a few GMs: “GM Akbar sends the worst trades, and continuously makes irrelevant trades that affect no one’s teams, unless he’s trying to collude with his family (GM Amin, GM Zayd, GM Belal Y.) or friends (GM Edgar, GM Mike).” The GM continues with: “He’s no one to be feared. Though he does get a few wins here and there, more people fear GM Haroon… and he’s winless! He’s not a team people worry about and that should be enough to fire him.” Another GM had a bit of rant and said: “He makes s&@*ty trades, he’s old, he’s soft, he can’t pick a team to follow (besides the republican party), he’s ugly, he’s bald and it hurts to read him arguing/insulting other GMs.”

MIKE

DIIIIIIGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSS! You’re a Saints fan, do I need to say anything else? But no seriously, do you know what your record is this season? 24-29, oh sorry that was the final score of the Saints vs. Vikings score… DIIIIIIGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSS! You’re a mediocre team, just like your Saints (nothing too amazing), and you turned your back on the two players you shouldn’t have (Kamara – top 5 in points) and Michael Thompson (top 5 WRs in the league). Plus, you don’t talk in the league, no one likes quiet s&@!s. We got reports a GM was caught saying this at D&B last night about GM Mike: “I forgot he was even in this league. He’s irrelevant. He finally changed his strategy of not drafting with his heart (Saints) and drafted a bunch of duds including a player who might not even play this year because he wears the same tampons as GM Kayvon. GM Mike also doesn’t respect our league. He leaves midway through the draft each year, and does auto-pick. We don’t need individuals who don’t have the heart for this.”

DIZZ

Q: What do the Dallas Cowboys and a Chick-Fil-A manager have in common?
A: Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.

Hey Danny DeVito! I don’t understand how people think he’s the best s@&* talker in our league. He’s full of one liners, vulgar vocabulary, semen, unnecessary debates and bald jokes. GM Dizz did not meet league height requirements, so I don’t know how the commissioner allowed him to play (family should not be an excuse). He might not be sensitive like other GMs but he is, as we all witnessed him leaving the league several times over the past few weeks. A story was leaked that he’s the reason why GM Kayvon disliked GM Haroon over the year by gossiping about both players to one another. People love seeing you lose more than the Cowboys. As much as people will miss having you in the league, just focus on Verizon and what you’re going to do with your life. Maybe you can get a job for the west coast under your brother’s umbrella as a “computer engineer.” A GM had this to say about GM Dizz: “He always believes he’s right, and if anyone has an opinion opposed to his, he replies with a meme or GIF slightly better than GM Mostafas. He talks more than GM Mostafa, complains more than GM Akbar, ranked second in the league for most ‘leaving conversation’ and crying sessions (GM Kayvon first) and stupid excuses for losing (ex: colleague replaced a player with another played). He’s always trying to change to rules to benefit him though the season started 6 weeks ago.”

Q: What is the difference between a Cowboys fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after a while.

BELAL

GM Belal has made serious decisions in life which have worked out for him. He lives at home, drives the family car, eats his brother’s leftovers, and saves his salary of $0 as an assistant coach. However, due to his lack of food intake, he is skinny, he does not have any bills, and he has no time to be engaged in our league. He is dead last in our league per comments in our league, and hasn’t made any trades to help him. Clearly he’s lost his fire for this league. “He makes bad decisions year after year. Last year, GM Belal traded 2 explosive players to GM Billy A. (2018 champion), and he’s now dealing with PTSD and is afraid of making any moves that he might regret again. It’s been back-to-back years where he’s inactive our league, and we don’t appreciate people like him,” said a GM about his activity in the league. Another GM was quoted: “I hope he’s a better coach than GM.”

MASSOUD

This guy (lol). He’s only made one solid decision in life. He was 20 and found an amazing girl (11 at the time) who is now his loving wife. I should watch what I say, as you’ll pay someone to take my head off. Maybe you should stop smoking, drinking, etc. and put a little bit of time into researching and drafting. Just because you draft live, doesn’t mean that you know what you’re doing. You have a better chance of auto-drafting. One GM laughed about GM Massoud’s claims: “GM Massoud always talks about how amazing his teams are in other leagues, but has the worst record in our league in the past 3 seasons. He has a 3-hour advantage on teams and doesn’t do anything about in waivers. His old tactics of bullying GMs Arya and Amin are no longer possible strategies.” I was able to speak to a member of the Waziri family and this person had this to say: “Instead of trying to be the league leader in wins, he’s trying to be the league leader in lbs.”

ZAYD (AND CO-GM YOUSUF)

Remember when you were relevant or neigh? Remember when people feared you or neigh? Remember when people respected you since you were a three-time champion, and people wouldn’t question your moves or neigh? You have several hit or miss players, which is not the strategy you usually have going into drafts. You’ve unfortunately become a weak GM and the people spoke about your lack of performance as commissioner. Not only are you going to be booted as GM, but neigh way you stay as commissioner either. A GM asked a mind-blowing question in a conference this morning: “What did GM Zayd do/rank before his co-GM (Yousuf) joined him?” TMZ Sports is following an tip that GM Zayd wears a toupee but they neighbe wrong, so TMZ is not reporting or commenting on this story.

ARYAN

Where do we start with him? He brings nothing to this league besides complaints, horrible one-sided trade offers, a great website (had to actually one good thing you do), a weekly excuse of why you lost (just admit to the fact that you suck and so does your team) and the black hole as one of the only Raider fans alive. Same thing as GM Massoud, you’re in east coast, you should be able to take advantage of the waiver wire, but clearly you’re not active on the waiver wire, but can message 1008490202 times in our group chat daily. Stop traveling, drinking and eating and work on drafting players or be more active on the waivers. Have you already thrown in the towel? Even the winless GM Haroon is acrtively trying to make moves. One GM had this to say about the Aryan Nation: “He should quit being a GM and should take on the role as commissioner and article writer, which can also help him with his portfolio. Don’t know who’s worst at being a GM: Zayd (since he’s not actually a GM), Haroon (winless), Aryan (nerd) and Massoud (useless).” When another GM was asked for a quote, he said: “GM Aryan has probably hacked into all our iCloud’s accounts and has our peepee pictures saved for blackmail…. So to answer your question as far as a quote goes ‘No comment.’”

BILLY

Los Del Rio (Macarena), Soft Cell (Tainted Love), Right Said Fred (I’m Too Sexy), Vanilla Ice (Ice Ice Baby)… do you see a trend here? These are all one-hit wonders, just like you. You had a great run last year, but you’re Mr. Irrelevant this year. You traded your best player [Antonio Brown, Cardinals] for a bunch of injury-prone players [Sammy Watkins, Chiefs, Rob Gronkowski, Patriots, Larry Fitzgerald, Cardinals] whom have done nothing for you. Also, do you even receive messages? Are you in this league? You have the most votes to be fired (including your brother as no one likes him either. He talks to much and loves to hear himself talk). One GM could not hold back their frustration with GM Billy: “He thinks he’s too cool for being in our group and league. He doesn’t do anything in our league, he leaves our draft early to go play with balls (basketball) and is a one-hit wonder. The league should consider asking his cousin from San Diego (Jamal) to play in our league.”

HAROON

Winless. (I should end it as that.) You have been one of the most active GMs regarding trades, but that’s also cause you’re winless. Though you’ve made several moves, you’re still winless. You were voted as the team that other GMs should be worried about and will have a turnaround in an article: Around the Horn – Quarter Season, but those GMs were wrong as you’re still winless. GM Haroon (aka ‘TittsMcGee’) is still in San Clemente as one native claimed to have seen this winless GM. You should spend that $100 on some 8008 reductions. One GM couldn’t help themselves and let GM Haroon have it with back-to-back jokes: “Cleveland Browns, Los Angeles Clippers, 2008 Detroit Lions, Chicago Cubs (pre-2016), Nate Kaeding, Charlotte Bobcats, Ryan Leaf, GM Haroon Ahmad. There’s no reason this person should be in the league. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. You continue to donate to the league, but GMs are starting to feel bad for you. Just stop.”