Alright fuck faces time for the annual shit talking post. Firstly I wanna say I hate you all and hope you all scar your faces horribly and brutally. And with that let’s begin:

Billy/Yema: You sneaky fucking Kings of the North, how you fucks managed to win last year after losing OBJ is beyond me, somehow you weaseled poor Little Belal Yunus into giving you arguably two of last years fantasy MVPs. I fucking hate you and the state of Minnesota, even though they did vote for Bernie in the prelims a few years back, you guys are too cold to have souls and the accent is stupid as hell.

Arya: To be honest you’ve become the leagues new Jesse. Nobody knows where you are, you don’t respond to anything, you’re consistently like right there, but not quite good enough (sums up your sex life too). You’re a complete waste of space in this league and the only good thing about you is your hair.

Massoud: Ahh the little brother, you may be twice my size but you will always be in my shadow, not just in life but in fantasy football as well. You were more high than Amin was but you did decent this year, you still won’t win because like Plaxico Burress you find a way to shoot yourself in the foot. Just don’t do it literally, I don’t want to start a GoFundMe for your dumbass.

Aryan: You fucking hacker piece of shit. I’m afraid to be too mean to you because you might steal my identity and sell it to some hooker in Vietnam, but fuck you anyways. Your Raiders suck, your Kings suck, oh shit, I just realized neither you nor your teams have been relevant since the early 00’s. Your team is solid, but I predict another 5th place finish for you this year, you’re just not there yet buddy, but keep trying, eventually you’ll make it.

Mostafa: There isn’t a person in this league that I hate more than you, well maybe Akbar’s bitch ass but everyone hates him, you fucking Trump supporting, homophobic, out of touch with reality ass bitch. I hope everyone of your stars crumble and you’re left in shambles like you deserve, fuck you! You’re a snakey fuck and somehow you’re going to end up picking up someone’s backup after one of someone’s stars get hurt and then you’re going to claim to be a genius or some shit because of it, you’re not, you’re just a snake. I hate you. Go to hell!

Haroon: What’s up McGee? How your cans holding up? I meant your tits not your beers jackass, just thought I should explain that. You’re literally the WORST GM this league has ever seen, I’m so glad you’re back again this year because it’s an extra $100 that we all get from your terrible GMing, I can’t remember a time where you weren’t in the bottom four to end the season, you are the Cleveland Browns of the league, every year you claim to have potential, but you end up falling in flames and fucking it up with dumb decision after dumb decision. Just give up already, I feel like we’re just kicking at man who has already been knocked out and laying there unconscious.

Amin: If Sogg is the worst GM in the league, you’re the dumbest, I mean for all intents and purposes you seem like a decently smart fella outside of fantasy, but my god do you make the worst fucking decisions I have ever seen, you can’t keep using the “sorry I was really high guys” excuse because 60% of this league smoke as much if not more than you. Also gain some weight you skinny little bitch, and get laid.

Mike: There isn’t a lot of bad things I can say about you, because you’re a really nice guy and you make pretty dope music. I’m going to try anyways. Fuck you for being stable and having a good life with a wonderful family! Why can’t you be a degenerate like the rest of us?!? I’m surprised you didn’t go saints heavy this year, you fell for the dumb trap of picking up LeVeon with the 3rd pick even though his contract situation was up in the air, and why the fuck did you draft Dez? You have two guys without contracts, draft smarter!

Belal Y: I’m just waiting for the inevitable day you do something stupid like trade two stars for someone who gets you nothing. You’re due to do something stupid, the one time you actually made a solid trade we vetoed it which sucks for you, but you deserve it because you’re not good enough to make good trades that benefit you.

Zayd: Oh wait. I should probably address Yosef because clearly he’s the brains in the organization. You fucking horse faced, hair thinning, weasel of a man. You’re the biggest fucking snake in the grass this league has ever seen. You try and exploit stupid people (Sogg and Kayvon) into making dumbass trades which benefit you completely, and then you sit there and do an evil Mr. Burns laugh about it. Mostafa might be an actual republican, but you’re the most evil corrupt piece of shit in the league. You fucking take credit for someone else’s work and pay him way less than he deserves for it and you exploit the most vulnerable people in the group, you Donald Trump ass bitch (you guys have the same hair too)!

Edgar: Well if it isn’t everyone’s favorite Uncle Tom, or Tio Tomas in your case. You’re fat ass hell, you have shitty tattoos, and you suck as a GM, what the hell are you good at, other than stirring shit in the league? You’re good at making people get angry and being behind the scenes about it, but other than that you’re as useless as your penis! You have the best luck at losing one of your most valuable players so sorry Zayd, Gurley is going down this year, and you can blame Fat Edgah for it. God hates you, and so do I.

Kayvon: Oh god, I’m expecting a fucking massive text message after this one. “Diz you’re such a bully, you and your friend pick on me so much! Stop making fun of my vagina!” Shut up you dirty little hooker! It’s funny that you and Sogg don’t get along, you would think with both your shitty track records at making trades that you’d be like BFFs but some how you both just end up trying to out stupid the other and now you have beef. Well, that’s a shame, now if only you were as good at being a GM as you are at leaving the group, you’d be $1000 richer at the end of the year. Too bad you’re going to fuck it up somehow and then cry foul at the end of it.

Akbar: You fucking bald headed, dickless, uncreative, Boston dick riding, old as dirt ass bitch. You’re the fucking scum of the earth. You’re everyone’s least favorite person and boy do you deserve it. You dick ride the Pats, share horrible memes, and lose more money in fantasy football annually than most people do in their lifetimes. You used to be good, back when it was like 6 people in the league, and you still try to hold on to that glory. Like you did with your hairline, you need to let that shit go, and just accept that it’s not there anymore. You’re washed up loser, you’re a has been, and I hope to see you fail again this year!

Diz: You little liberal snowflake you! You’ve been level headed so far this year, but we’re all just waiting for the day you throw a little hissy fit like the little bitch that you are and blame everyone else for your short comings. You somehow skated by last year by the grace of god and made it to the finals, but your luck is sure to end, and you’re going to be exposed as a shitty, lucky son of a bitch just like your Dallas Cowboys. Unlike them you don’t have a history of being great, you were almost as bad as Sogg until last season and you’re probably headed back down to where you belong, you short, hairy, fat fuck.

That concludes this years annual shit talking post! In all honesty I love all you fucks even though you guys cause me to lose hair and sleep at least 3-4 times a week. All the shit talking was in good fun, don’t get too butthurt please. I don’t want you guys crying after. I hope it’s a great season again, and let’s get that money boys!