Idling past the ides of summer and with that comes the undeniable realization that we’re closing in on baseball’s pennant races, the remaining vestiges of whatever summer flings we’ve had, a stark realization that we should have – as years before – saved money and taken that long overdue trip to Seychelles or the Maldives, and, of course, the sheer joy of knowing that the NFL season is back. I get it, we’re sort of nerdy – yet invariably, it’s this annual tradition which allows this burgeoning cadre of fantasy football junkies to put our respective differences aside and to do this draft. One night a year…we do this thing. By the end of every draft, we all go home feeling like we’ve acquired a new child, a shiny new investment, and, frankly, a new endeavor which will keep us fighting for glory, fighting for a nice chunk of money, fighting for revenge, fighting for respect, fighting for that elusive 4th title, that elusive first title, or just fighting to avoid being deemed the weakest link.

We each have our story and this season we each, again, have a chance to rewrite history and to become a part of the annals of fantasy football lore.

So without further ado, Gentlemen, here are your Pre-Season Power Rankings:

1. Akbar: Trading out of the first round, outright, is always a risky endeavor, but I am hoping that the Royce Freeman experiment pays off. I’ve been pretty high on this guy for the last month, and if things go according to script, this strategy to forego my first round pick could pay off. Or it could fail. The jury’s out on that one. I will say this: While I didn’t get any truly elite wr’s, I am happy with Devante Adams (Rodger’s #1 target now that Jordy’s gone), Jarvis Landry (maybe leaving Miami is the best decision he made – Tyrod Taylor is no bum), and Tyreek Hill is a speed demon who can take the top off – assuming young Pat Mahomes can vibe with him all season long. But after those guys, Evan Engram, Kirk Cousins (assuming he gels with Stefon Diggs and Adam Thielan), and Royce Freeman…my team is utter garbage. Given that Freeman is my flex, I am actually stuck starting Doug Martin and Rob Kelley as my STARTING rb’s. Wow, that’s brutal. That’s horrible. Goes without saying, I realllly have to work the waiver wire and shore up my rb corps or else this season is going to sideways in short order. I’ll be seeing you guys on the trading block.

2. Haroon: Without question, the nicest guy in the League. Also, although I have you ranked pretty low, a lot of this comes from me playing devil’s advocate on some of these presumptive storylines involving your players. From the outset, Rashad Penny was a beast at SDSU – but, again, that was SDSU (what conference is SDSU even in? The PAC12? I have no clue). They say his finger will be good by Week 1 and I’m pulling for your guy (I read an article on him and he’s really humble and quiet – that’s a good attribute and will keep him respected in a locker room…just ask Dez Bryant and T.O. for the counter-narrative to that). As for Sony Michel, I loved him at Georgia, but the Pats backfield – at least for now – feels really crowded. Yes, Jeremy Hill could eventually be cut, but he’s still there, and so is Rex Burkhead, Mike Gillislee, Brandon Bolden and James White. That’s a lot of mouths to feed. But hey, Belichick rides the hot hand, so we’ll see how it shakes out. Your WR’s are a different discussion. They say Sammy Watkins will do well with young Pat Mahomes slinging it (and opposite Tyreek Hill/Travis Kelce that offense will be formidable). The question is can Watkins stay healthy? Love DeAndre Hopkins (obviously), and Larry Fitzgerald will do well when they hand the reins to Josh Rosen. As for Jimmy Graham and Rob Gronkowski, this little endeavor can either pay major dividends or come crashing down. You guessed it: Can both of these proverbial bulldozers stay healthy? We’ll see. I also love the Rams defense (and if they eventually sign Aaron Donald, that combo with Ndamakung Suh and Aaron Donald will be terrifying). Finally, Chris Ivory is a good pick up in case LeSean McCoy’s legal situation spiral out of control.

3. Amin: Putting all the chatter aside, your team isn’t as bad as I think you think it is. Yeah, drafting Deshaun Watson with your first pick in the 3rd round was a reach, but other than that your team looks well assembled. Chris Hogan (Brady’s #1 option), Allen Robinson (a reclamation project for him in Chicago with young Mitch Trubisky), and Cooper Kupp (an ascendant slot receiver who’s a favorite target for Jared Goff). Next, Lamar Miller (heck, somebody’s gotta’ run that ball on that high octane offense), Rex Burkhead is the best back available in New England and is also a pass catcher (I’d take Rex over Sony Michel, Brandon Bolden, Jeremy Hill, Mike Gillislee, James White), and you also have Devin Funchess and Calvin Ridley (opposite Julio Jones – a fellow ‘Bama product) on a legit ATL offense. Moreover, I like the insurance policy of having Derek Carr in case the Deshaun Watson experiment goes amiss. So, let’s be blunt: the stockpile of draft picks you amassed actually worked – it’s just evident that you should have likely waited on drafting Watson quite so early (after all, Aaron Rodgers and Tom Brady didn’t even get drafted until Round 4). You always work the wire as the season progresses, and it usually pays off – so build on what you have and the stars will begin to align. Oh, and easy on the weed on draft night.

4. Mike: What a difference a year makes. Everyone (myself included) was convinced you’d take Alvin Kamara at the 3, but when they zigged you zagged. Le’Veon Bell was a helluva grab at 3, and I see that narrative going one of two ways in this contract year: Either the Rooney family run him into the ground and his productivity begins to wane because he wants to preserve his body for next season’s suitors, or the Steelers run him into the ground and he morphs into the second coming of Jerome Bettis all season long and becomes a proverbial Pittsburgh legend. We shall see. I like Marvin Jones, Jr. as your starter, but Dez Bryant needs to ride the pine until he has a home and Randall Cobb needs to show he has something left in the tank. Conversely, Anthony Miller is an ascendant slot wr for Mitch Trubisky (the word on him is great), and DJ Moore looks like a money option for Cam Newton (I personally even like DJ Moore more than Devin Funchess). As for Kenyan Drake, let’s see if he can produce like he did towards the second half of last season, Frank Gore is not a worthy flex player (hell to the no – not yet)…I’d give DJ Moore, Courtland Sutton or Anthony Miller the flex spot way ahead of Frank Gore (just my opinion, of course). Beyond that, I love that you got Drew Brees in the later rounds, and you got Travis Kelce who has all the chance in the world to finally eclipse Gronk as the A1 tight end in the game. We shall see. All in all, your squad is a likely contender – just bench Dez Bryant (until he has a home) and Frank Gore (why is he even a starter for you when you have his teammate Kenyan Drake?).

5. Mostafa: So other than Adam Thielan (who’s a true WR2 and an excellent route runner), your wr’s aren’t scaring anybody. DeVante Parker and Marqise Lee? C’mon man, you gotta’ do better than that. But whereas your wr’s are suspect, your running game is legit. We all remember Leonard Fournette from last season, and provided he stays healthy, you have an every week wrecking ball who’s going to wreak havoc on defenses in the AFC South and beyond. We’ll see if he gets the Sophomore jinx or not, but for now, he looks incredible. Same goes for Melvin Gordon, especially since the Chargers are projected to have a soft schedule, Philip Rivers is clicking, Keenan Allen is healthy, and Mike Williams is projected to emerge – all signs point to more room for Melvin Gordon to run unperturbed and free-flowing. So, yeah, I love your rb’s. But again, your wr’s are a borderline disaster. So I’ll be succinct: I think your team can rise to the top, but that’s contingent on you shoring up your wr corps. I firmly agree that rb’s are the key to success, but you can’t expect to amass wins and make it to the playoffs with the WR crew you currently have – fix that hole in your boat and I think you rise…and rise fast.

6. Arya: I can’t believe you landed Tom Brady in the 4th round. How does that happen in a 14 man League? I had every intention of drafting him, but you got there first. Having said that, other than Chris Hogan, he doesn’t have a lot of deep threats. Julian Edelman is clipped for 4 games, Gronk is amazing but needs to show he can stay healthy, Malcolm Mitchell and Jordan Matthews got cut, Danny Amendola and Brandin Cooks are gone, and Philip Dorsett is a Colts throwaway. Who knows, maybe the Pats sign Dez Bryant and then all bets are off. We’ll see. Love Michael Thomas, but am luke warm about Demariyus Thomas (although now he has Case Keenum), and Robby Anderson will be relying on Josh McCown/Teddy Bridgewater/Sam Darnold to get himself going. It could happen, but that’s a lot of moving parts and we just need to see how things shake out. Beyond that, I like the Trey Burton pick (especially since Adam Shaheen is hurt right now), Tarik Cohen is a creative pass catching back for Mitch Trubisky to work with, Alex Collins is the lead back over Buck Allen and Terrance West, and Kareem Hunt now has a dynamic Pat Mahomes to lead KC. In the grand scheme, I think your team looks intriguing, although I recommend shoring up your WR corps (or flex spot) with one more big name or waiver wire gem. You’re on the cusp of being a contender – just not there yet.

7. Diz: So you got Zeke – you lucky bastard. Between a (motivated) Zeke on a rush first Dallas side, Jerrick McKinnon being the only real rb in SF (is he finally healthy again?), Ronald Jones being the real deal in Tampa Bay (and no, I’m not concerned with bitch ass Payton Barber), and Kerryon Johnson on your bench, you have a super talented RB corps. And while I love Stefon Diggs, I am concerned with Josh Doctson (is that guy ever healthy for a sustained period of time?), Brandin Cooks is the textbook definition of feast or famine, and I think Allen Hurns will eventually become eclipsed by rookie Michael Gallup. I do love the Andrew Luck pick – assuming his o-line and body can hold up, he may be back on the ascent (and if not, you got Dak Prescott in the bullpen). Translated: Your rb’s are Mastro’s steak, whereas your wr’s are 7/11 churros. As for OJ Howard, I wasn’t that impressed with him last year, and unless Famous Jameis decides that it’s OJ Howard time over Cameron Brate time, I think you can likely work the waiver wire for a better pick at tight end. But, as with most things, maybe a year wiser will be the spark Howard needs to rise – we will see. In any event, again, your rb’s are rock solid.

8. Massoud: Let’s get down to business. So I like the Carson Wentz pick (I can’t imagine how motivated he must be after Nick Foles took HIS team to the promised land), but let’s see if that knee holds up. Beyond that, I think your TE’s are sneaky talented, as Jared Cook is going to feast with a healthy Derek Carr this season, and the same goes for a rejuvenated Greg Olsen in Carolina. On the WR front, I think the acquisition of Saquan Barkley will help Odell Beckham, Jr. get open more often, Amari Cooper stands to benefit immensely from a Jon Gruden-led team, Kenny Stills is one of the most underrated deep threats in the game, and then you have the unheralded (but still valuable) backfield of Devonta Freeman and Jordan Howard. Not a single weak link thus far, although I’d be hard-pressed to start Martavis Bryant until I had conclusive proof that he is/was able to process the Raiders’ playbook (word on the street is that he’s a dummy). Overall your team is formidable – all reliable, seemingly healthy, and operating on functional teams devoid of qb controversies or drama. Lock up your flex spot and your team is an every week threat.

9. Aryan: Another season, another well balanced team. In the aggregate, you have no real holes, just some questions. Like LeSean McCoy. What will come out of that situation he’s in? It looks bad, but some say it’s baseless. If he’s ensnared in this domestic violence, go ahead and cut him because the hammer will come down…a la Ray Rice. But if it’s all hearsay and/or unsupported, then, well, you landed yourself an RB1 wayyyy later than his ADP states – which is a bargain steal for you. Beyond that, David Johnson will surely ball out whether Sam Bradford or Josh Rosen mans that ship, and your trio of Jordy Nelson (healthy and with Derek Carr)/Michael Crabtree (we’ll see if Lamar Jackson gets to throw him the ball)/TY Hilton (let’s not forget Andrew Luck’s ace – this guy goes 80 yards to the house and makes it look easy) are all incredible. In all seriousness, I think your wr’s and rb’s are the most balanced in the League – provided the book isn’t thrown at Shady McCoy. Separately, David Njoku had a helluva preseason, shifty Dion Lewis could steal a lot of work from a bumbling Derrick Henry, and we have no clue what Marshawn Lynch has left. To that end, if Jon Gruden is able to unlock BeastMode for one more quality season, then you’ll have Lynch, DJ and either LeSean McCoy or Dion Lewis as your flex – that’s a damn good team.

10. The Wizard: I like your team, I do, but the stars need to neatly align for everything to go according to script. Ok, so Mike Evans – we all know he’s an animal, but will the (temporary) absence of Jameis Winston adversely impact his launch this season – or will he rebound irrespective of who’s throwing him the ball? JuJu Smith-Schuster: Sophomore slump or will he continue to ascend? Robert Woods: Will he see decreased looks with Brandin Cooks in town and Cooper Kupp demanding more attention in the slot? Jay Ajayi: How are those knees holding up? Alvin Kamara: Yes, Mark Ingram is out for 4 games, but can he repeat his epic performance of last year or will the sophomore slump kick in? George Kittle: Injured all preseason – is he ready to roll in earnest? Every one of the guys I mentioned is a potential fantasy gem – and things could certainly materialize that way – but the storylines remain to be seen. Having said all that, on paper, your squad looks amazing on paper and there’s no reason to think that things can’t pan out in your favor. In short, the guys that I just mentioned, coupled with a revamped ATL squad with Matt Ryan being guided by Steve Sarkisian as OC, could pay huge dividends. I foresee your team being in the upper echelons all season.

11. Edgar: Another year, another blockbuster move to move up in the draft order. You finagled your way into the #1 overall spot (landing you Todd Gurley), and then parlayed another deal which got you Saquan Barkley. So, ostensibly, you now have the best player in the fantasy landscape and the second-coming of Adrian Peterson in young man Saquan Barkley. Impressive. Given your acquisition of high picks and jettisoning middle round picks, the obvious narrative would have been that the rest your team then falls off, but, somehow, that hasn’t happened this year. You landed Golden Tate (still the A1 for Matthew Stafford), Alshon Jeffery is on the PUP list but figures to rebound (fingers crossed), and Corey Davis is due for a breakout season (the tea leaves read well for the young wideout). Beyond that, you have Matthew Stafford and Jared Goff – both operating as insurance policies in the event the other is a disaster, you have the ageless Delanie Walker and Stephen Gostowski (who actually hasn’t been clutch as of late), but then the ship starts to sink. Is Jordan Reed even upright? Will Nyheim Hines get the nod over Jordan Wilkins in Indy? And can you reasonably rely on Duke Johnson with Carlos Hyde and Nick Chubb in the fold? All intriguing storylines, but, of course, nothing glaringly problematic with your team. Your rb’s are the best in the League and you’re going to be a weekly terror for anyone who has to deal with you, Todd Gurley and Saquan Barkley – wow. Oh, and let’s not forget Cordarelle Patterson: Coach Belichik is using him as a wr, rb and te – so he’s basically being fashioned as an Aaron Hernandez 2.0. He’s a gadget player with huge upside – this could be interesting how Patterson evolves under the tutelage of Josh McDaniels and Bill Belichik.

12. Belal: First things first: Run CMC will be a monster this year. I had McCaffrey last season, and although he didn’t pan out amazingly, he was clearly a budding star. This season, he has more rapport as a pro, Cam is finally showing some conviction, Jonathan Stewart isn’t in town (although CJ Anderson is), and we’re awarding 0.5 per reception. Translated: This guy should, in my opinion, be a major factor for you. Carlos Hyde is tricky: His health is shaky, he’s dealing with Duke Johnson and Nick Chubb, but he has the capacity to emerge. I have a feeling Hue Jackson doesn’t play favorites and will ride the hot hand – and Carlos Hyde has every opportunity to become the stalwart cog that Cleveland backfield. As for your WR’s, I like Will Fuller (provided Deshaun Watson doesn’t get hurt), AJ Green is old reliable, and Josh Gordon has every opportunity to produce with either Tyrod Taylor or Baker Mayfield – he just needs to stop getting into trouble. Will he finally class it up like a Reggie Wayne/Hines Ward, or does he want to go out like Travis Henry/Aaron Hernandez? That’s on him, but put up or shut up time is here for Josh Gordon. Ricky Seals-Jones is an intriguing pick (especially if Josh Rosen gets the nod), Julian Edelman will be a motivated ppr monster by Week 5 when his eligibility is reinstated (I met him at a dive bar when I was in Boston back in April – did I tell you that? Nice guy.). Chris Carson is apparently jacked this season (good for him), Quincy Enuwa is the only Jet I know besides Robby Anderson, and Jimmy Garappalo has a chance to prove his 6-7 game showcase was no fluke. Overall, you got a nice squad.

13. Zayd: Daddy (oops, I meant Yusuf) did a great job of selecting your team for you this season. Man, you guys are loaded to the brim. Russell Wilson (a top tier QB – assuming the offensive line won’t make him scramble every series), Julio Jones (‘nuff said), Keenan Allen (supreme/elite/amazing – pick whatever adjective you want), and then there’s Doug Baldwin. How did you land all 3 of these wr’s in this draft AND also land Dalvin Cook? How does that even happen? Incredible. Moving on, I’m not crazy about Tyler Eifert (talented, but rarely healthy for a sustained time), Jamaal Williams will be in a time-share when Aaron Jones’ suspension is up, and Marlon Mack just plain sucks. Then again, you can easily work the wire for a tight end, and you have James White and Jordan Wilkins in the bullpen. So that’s that. Your team is amazingly talented…but your RB2 and down are all questionable. Shore up the bottom rung of your team and you guys will be the team to beat. But overall, nice draft for you and Daddy.

14. Billy/Yema: All hail the champs. So I’m looking for a weak spot on your team, and nothing is coming to light. Aaron Rodgers: ‘nuff said. Antonio Brown: ‘nuff said. After that, Marquise Goodwin is clearly Jimmy G’s ace target, Nelson Agholor is an underrated wr on a championship team, and Joe Mixon will hopefully emerge as the stud that he was at Oklahoma (you know, back when he slapping chicks in diners). Mixon looks great, and provided Marvin Lewis can dial up some creative plays which don’t just involve bombs to AJ Green, I think Mixon is due for a cow bell-esque type season. I am a little dubious about Derrick Henry, however, because although DeMarco Murray is gone, this guy just doesn’t seem to take advantage of his opportunities. Maybe that will change this season, but if this season ends with Henry having been outperformed by Dion Lewis, then I will never take this guy serious again. We shall see. I think Christian Kirk has been a pleasant pre-season performer, Latavius Murray is one Dalvin Cook setback away from reclaiming that backfield, and Jack Doyle gets back Andrew Luck (provided Eric Ebron doesn’t take his spot). As mentioned, your team is the real deal. You guys will be fighting to defend your throne this season – and you have a damn good team to ride with.